Chizaram, write! It’s almost what everyone I’ve come around iterates. They see the potential of my being a great writer- and I’m blind to such reality as the myopic nature of my eyeballs is so bad that I can’t see this ‘great writer' that they keep projecting. Or maybe I’m just borderline lazy? The latter is far from it. I’m a very hardworking young man who has had to work twice as hard compared to my peers and wait patiently for my wins. Truly, I have considered writing. It’s one of the talents I excelled in high school. It enabled me to express my feelings and my experiences so that I can come back and travel down memory lane.
Everyone says I’m the perfect example/representation of the ‘ideal medical student' but that won’t cut it in a country with a plummeting economy like Nigeria. I have to combine my medical career with another profitable skill set, as one would in a local restaurant when he combines two soups just to savour the flavour of both, killing two birds with one stone. Normally, I'd be happy with this bird I have, as it seems to be an eagle- the problem is that it isn't enough!
Why so many stories and what has this got to do with the topic above? Recall that I said I did consider writing. It's something that has long pressed my mind but I just can’t seem to birth these rampaging thoughts or ideas (whichever stance you might take) to reality. It’s almost as though my write-ups might not be as good or natural (preferably) as being a student is to me. It’s one part of my life I’ve looked down on myself, wondering if I had the capabilities to cut it out in the community of writers. The next words you will read might agree with me on both stances I have highlighted- writing being natural to me and yet the difficulty to forge ahead with it or me not being good enough to be a writer.
WHAT IS AN IMPOSTOR SYNDROME?
This might sound like a medical condition. It simply means feeling like an amateur in areas of your life where you’d most likely excel at. It’s a feeling that comes with self-doubt, restlessness, and nervousness and one can have a chronic phase where negative talks are being directed at oneself. This could eventually lead to symptoms and anxiety. Before you get scared, it is not a diagnosable mental illness as I mentioned above. Instead, the term can be slim-fitted to achievements and intelligence with links to perfactivism in a social context.
WHAT COULD BE THE CAUSE OF THIS?
I don’t know if many people share this random but agonizing question with me. It’s something that has always plagued my mind. Research has shown that this could be due to the nature/dynamic of a family and in most cases stereotypes. This can occur in anybody from any background, age or gender.
WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF IMPOSTOR SYNDROME?
As much as these are first-hand experiences, they could also relate to you.
1. Fear of not living up to expectations. This has been a long-lasting turmoil in my mind. I’m always scared I might disappoint people who read my write-ups or articles. The thought of them saying “Oh well, maybe he isn’t that good after all, I see why he’s always had a problem going into writing". Maybe they might say this about this write-up too, maybe not.
2. Self-doubt: Need I explain this again?
3. Setting very challenging goals: In my academics, I’ve set many challenges and I’ve never been scared of falling short of them but such has been unable to transition to the ‘supposed writing prowess' people seem to think I have (don’t worry, I’ll scratch that soon enough).
IMPACT OF IMPOSTOR SYNDROME.
Listening to so many people say I can write or go into writing has given me a sense of motivation, while simultaneously plunging me into having bouts of anxiety on how to face them if my words are sour to my readers. I’m putting in the work to ensure that nobody sees me as a fraud (one of the reasons why it’s taken this long to come up with an article of worth). For some people, this anxiety can lead to depression and the feeling of not being worthy.
The problem with imposter syndrome, something I can relate to is the nagging in one's head saying “What gives you the right to do this?, To be here?” and it’s something I faced while writing this article. It’s as though I can’t internalize my experience of success in other areas I’ve found myself in.
WHAT MEASURES HAVE I TAKEN?, INTEND TO TAKE.
Tackling imposter syndrome might seem like a burdensome task but it’s not impossible. To get past this, I have had to put myself as a focus specimen by asking what core beliefs I hold about myself if I have to be ‘this perfect person’ to be approved by others if I believe I’m worthy of love as I am, capable of doing things I set my mind to. While this is a personal experience, you could take a lesson or two from this. To move past these, you have to be bold and question some deeply ingrained feelings/beliefs you hold about yourself. Oftentimes, this might be difficult because you might not be aware of the fact that you hold them. Here are some tips I did to help me and I believe can help you too.
1. Share your feelings by talking to other people as irrational beliefs tender to fester into something morbid when they are not talked about.
2. Stop comparing as whenever you do this, especially with others in a social situation, the feeling of not being good enough, inadequacy or not belonging springs up. Instead, listen and learn from the ideas of others and always be genuinely interested in doing more of what you've learnt.
3. Take baby steps. This is particularly important to me as it’s what led to this rather ‘page-filled article'. You must not be overly interested in doing things perfectly. Rather, do them reasonably well and reward yourself for taking that bold step and entertaining such ideas.
4. Refuse to be held back. Anytime you feel like an imposter or don’t belong, don’t let that notion/feeling hold you back. Don’t stop pursuing your goals, keep going every day.
5. Don’t fight the feeling. Anytime it comes, as regards you not belonging, learn to live with them. Only then can you understand this feeling and then unravel the notions or core beliefs holding you back.
WHILE WORKING ON YOUR GOALS, KEEP IN MIND THAT:
The feeling of being a fraud or an imposter most times comes from a place of success in the past that you attribute to luck. Try turning such feelings into gratitude. Look at what you have accomplished and be grateful for such achievements. Remember, you can’t always be lucky with every success you’ve achieved or with every goal you’ve met. You are not an imposter no matter how you feel like it! I’m doing it, you can too.
Peace,
Okoro, Imonitie Chizaram.
